{"id":6097,"date":"2014-07-19T00:14:36","date_gmt":"2014-07-19T00:14:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/?p=6097"},"modified":"2025-03-02T18:36:44","modified_gmt":"2025-03-02T18:36:44","slug":"to-all-so-called-authors-stop-doing-this-you-look-like-idiots","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/to-all-so-called-authors-stop-doing-this-you-look-like-idiots\/","title":{"rendered":"To All So-Called Authors: Stop Doing This; You Look Like Idiots"},"content":{"rendered":"

Maybe I should\u00adn\u2019t be giv\u00ading away my writ\u00ading secrets.<\/p>\n

\"Hemingway<\/a><\/p>\n

Maybe I should be like Ernest Hem\u00ading\u00adway, who, with the excep\u00adtion of a cou\u00adple of Paris Review<\/em> inter\u00adviews in which he gave cryp\u00adtic answers to ques\u00adtions about writ\u00ading craft, was self\u00adish with his knowl\u00adedge through\u00adout his life and shared very lit\u00adtle of it.<\/p>\n

But there\u2019s some\u00adthing that I\u2019m see\u00ading over and over and over again in so many nov\u00adels pub\u00adlished today that I have to say some\u00adthing. In both genre and main\u00adstream nov\u00adels, whether indie- or tra\u00addi\u00adtion\u00adal\u00adly-pub\u00adlished, I see \u201cvery good\u201d or even \u201cgreat\u201d mod\u00adern authors mak\u00ading the same mis\u00adtake. Incred\u00adi\u00adbly, one such book on Ama\u00adzon has over 1,000<\/em> 4- and 5\u2011star reviews.<\/p>\n

This trend has reached a point where some\u00adone has to say some\u00adthing.<\/p>\n

And as one writer who knows what he\u2019s doing, I am hap\u00adpy to take on this cause c\u00e9l\u00e8bre.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the deal: When you write a sen\u00adtence, one of the things you have to decide is which part of the sen\u00adtence is going to get the most detail or emphasis\u2014the sub\u00adject, the verb, or the object (the receiv\u00ader of the action). Each of these units is called a syn\u00adtac\u00adtic slot<\/a>. The sub\u00adject is the per\u00adson or thing per\u00adform\u00ading the action. The verb is the action. And the object is the per\u00adson or thing receiv\u00ading the action. The gen\u00ader\u00adal rule of thumb is that you don\u2019t pack all of your syn\u00adtac\u00adtic slots. Pack\u00ading slots cre\u00adates clut\u00adtered, dis\u00adtract\u00ading sen\u00adtences with hazy images that give the read\u00ader very lit\u00adtle to latch onto.<\/p>\n

(Of course the above is high\u00adly simplified\u2014explained exact\u00adly as I did when I taught writ\u00ading at Baruch Col\u00adlege, City Uni\u00adver\u00adsi\u00adty of New York. I received a Dis\u00adtin\u00adguished Teach\u00ading Award for my efforts.)<\/p>\n

Let me give you an exam\u00adple of a bad sentence\u2014one that vio\u00adlates the above rule of \u201cdon\u2019t pack all of your syn\u00adtac\u00adtic slots.\u201d Fol\u00adlow\u00ading is the sort of open\u00ading sen\u00adtence often found in poor\u00adly writ\u00adten fic\u00adtion (espe\u00adcial\u00adly poor\u00adly writ\u00adten genre nov\u00adels):<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

When the lone stop\u00adlight in Hud\u00adsonville, Texas\u2014a dry, dusty West Texas town, pop\u00adu\u00adla\u00adtion 1,400\u2014turned green, Blake Tan\u00adner, Dal\u00adlas pri\u00advate detec\u00adtive, took a drag on his hand-rolled cig\u00ada\u00adrette, flicked the stub into the wind, glanced at his pierc\u00ading blue eyes and dev\u00adil-may-care jet black hair in the rear-view mir\u00adror, and slammed his hand-tooled cow\u00adboy boot on the accel\u00ader\u00ada\u00adtor of his rebuilt, sky-blue 1963 Cadil\u00adlac con\u00advert\u00adible with the 400hp V8, rev\u00adel\u00ading in the kha\u00adki cloud of dust he left behind the car and look\u00ading for\u00adward to hunt\u00ading down his quar\u00adry, bank rob\u00adber Hal Dri\u00adver, some\u00adwhere in the next lone\u00adly, dusty, des\u00adper\u00adate town.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now<\/strong>\u2026obvi\u00adous\u00adly I\u2019ve been hyper\u00adbol\u00adic with my exam\u00adple; most open\u00ading sen\u00adtences (even those of poor\u00adly writ\u00adten nov\u00adels) are not that long or pon\u00adder\u00adous. But even nov\u00adels with open\u00adings com\u00adposed of sev\u00ader\u00adal short\u00ader sen\u00adtences are often laden down with packed syn\u00adtac\u00adtic slots\u2014attempts by authors to pile up the infor\u00adma\u00adtion.<\/p>\n

Why, oh why, do writ\u00aders (actu\u00adal\u00adly, more often, authors<\/em>) do this?<\/p>\n

There are sev\u00ader\u00adal rea\u00adsons:<\/p>\n

1. The author isn\u2019t a very good writer. He read some\u00adwhere that good fic\u00adtion is about detail (which is part\u00adly true), so he makes a point of pack\u00ading every sin\u00adgle clause and syn\u00adtac\u00adtic slot full of detail.<\/p>\n

2. The author is lazy, so she either does\u00adn\u2019t write mul\u00adti\u00adple drafts of her work, or she does\u00adn\u2019t take the time in lat\u00ader drafts to edit out the unnec\u00ades\u00adsary details. She wants to get it \u201call in there,\u201d but isn\u2019t will\u00ading to do the heavy lift\u00ading, which is to keep in the sto\u00adry only those details that are tru\u00adly impor\u00adtant. A sto\u00adry isn\u2019t every thing that hap\u00adpens; it\u2019s every impor\u00adtant<\/span> thing that hap\u00adpens.<\/em><\/p>\n

3. The author does\u00adn\u2019t trust in the read\u00ader\u2019s intel\u00adli\u00adgence, prob\u00ada\u00adbly because he isn\u2019t par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly intel\u00adli\u00adgent him\u00adself. He believes that he needs to spell out every sin\u00adgle thing for the read\u00ader because the read\u00ader, in his opin\u00adion, is a dip-shit inca\u00adpable of form\u00ading a men\u00adtal pic\u00adture of a scene unless pro\u00advid\u00aded with ALL of the details. For exam\u00adple, in a recent very high\u00adly-rat\u00aded mys\u00adtery nov\u00adel, the author describes the counter at a DMV office as being \u201cchest-high.\u201d We\u2019ve all been to DMV offices, and guess what? The coun\u00adters at all<\/span> DMV offices are chest-high.<\/p>\n

4. The author doesn\u2019t trust in the reader\u2019s patience. She doesn\u2019t believe that the read\u00ader will con\u00adtin\u00adue to read beyond the first few sen\u00adtences or para\u00adgraphs, so she puts in every detail that she thinks will hook<\/em> the read\u00ader and make him want to read on. What she doesn\u2019t under\u00adstand is this: The way to keep read\u00aders read\u00ading is by with\u00adhold\u00ading<\/em> infor\u00adma\u00adtion, not by dish\u00ading it out. Put anoth\u00ader way, don\u2019t take the read\u00ader where he wants to go<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019re a rel\u00ada\u00adtive\u00adly new writer try\u00ading to fin\u00adish your first nov\u00adel, or you\u2019re a sea\u00adsoned author putting the fin\u00adish\u00ading touch\u00ades on your lat\u00adest work, I hope you\u2019ll take into account what I\u2019ve writ\u00adten here. Noth\u00ading makes a poten\u00adtial\u00adly good sto\u00adry look more ama\u00adteur\u00adish than packed syn\u00adtac\u00adtic slots or clut\u00adtered sen\u00adtences, so no mat\u00adter what stage you\u2019re at, I strong\u00adly rec\u00adom\u00admend you go back to the writ\u00ading table and address this aspect of your work.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maybe I should\u00adn\u2019t be giv\u00ading away my writ\u00ading secrets. Maybe I should be like Ernest Hem\u00ading\u00adway, who, with the excep\u00adtion of a cou\u00adple of Paris\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,34,71,19,33,56,21,62,36,76,8,68,13,14],"tags":[124,120,130,129,131,123,132,122,121,125,127,109,133,134,128,135,126,92,93],"class_list":["post-6097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-craft","category-ebook-formatting","category-editors","category-fiction","category-indie-publishing","category-kindle-books","category-kindlestuff","category-literary-journals","category-mystery-writing","category-process","category-publishingandthemarket","category-rewriting","category-writers","category-writingexperiences","tag-amazon","tag-authors","tag-editing","tag-editors-2","tag-fiction-2","tag-fitzgerald","tag-genre-fiction","tag-hemingway","tag-indie","tag-kdp","tag-legacy-published","tag-literary","tag-mysteries","tag-mystery","tag-publishers","tag-thrillers","tag-traditionally-published","tag-writers-2","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6097","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6097"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6097\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9161,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6097\/revisions\/9161"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6097"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6097"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6097"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}