{"id":7630,"date":"2017-07-08T02:18:16","date_gmt":"2017-07-08T02:18:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/?p=7630"},"modified":"2017-07-08T02:37:37","modified_gmt":"2017-07-08T02:37:37","slug":"procrastination-as-a-rarefied-art-form","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/procrastination-as-a-rarefied-art-form\/","title":{"rendered":"Procrastination as a Rarefied Art Form"},"content":{"rendered":"

A brief excerpt from my new humor\u00adous mem\u00adoir,
\ncom\u00ading out this fall:<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"photo_3\"I can\u2019t speak for all blocked writ\u00aders, but when I\u2019m blocked, I seek out con\u00adflict with peo\u00adple and insti\u00adtu\u00adtions, and I chan\u00adnel my cre\u00adative ten\u00adsion into dis\u00adtrac\u00adtions, rais\u00ading my pro\u00adcras\u00adti\u00adna\u00adtion from writ\u00ading to a rar\u00adefied art form. Over the past 25 years as a writer, I have man\u00adi\u00adfest\u00aded my writer\u2019s block in count\u00adless ways. I have tak\u00aden day-long, mean\u00adder\u00ading car rides, and, if anoth\u00ader driver\u2019s dri\u00adving has annoyed me, I have fol\u00adlowed that per\u00adson for hours, across state lines in some cas\u00ades. I have researched pen\u00adcils, going so far as to inves\u00adti\u00adgate what became of the lead for\u00admu\u00adlas of supe\u00adri\u00ador brands that no longer exist.<\/p>\n

\"generic-booksale\" I have vis\u00adit\u00aded my library\u2019s used book sale and stolen back books that I donat\u00aded because they didn\u2019t put the books in their col\u00adlec\u00adtion like I asked them to. I have also stolen copies of my own<\/em> books from library used book sales, when I\u2019ve dis\u00adcov\u00adered they were copies I inscribed to spe\u00adcif\u00adic read\u00aders, and the read\u00aders hadn\u2019t val\u00adued them. I have start\u00aded nation\u00adal cam\u00adpaigns to boy\u00adcott can\u00addy bar com\u00adpa\u00adnies when they changed their pack\u00adag\u00ading from tra\u00addi\u00adtion\u00adal paper and foil to Mylar. I have writ\u00adten rants on social media web\u00adsites, about pol\u00adi\u00adtics or Amer\u00adi\u00adcan his\u00adto\u00adry or Eng\u00adlish gram\u00admar, or some\u00adtimes about social media itself. I have writ\u00adten let\u00adters to the edi\u00adtors of dai\u00adly news\u00adpa\u00adpers, or pre\u00adtend\u00aded to be a col\u00adlege stu\u00addent and writ\u00adten satir\u00adi\u00adcal pieces for col\u00adlege news\u00adpa\u00adpers. I have savored after\u00adnoons drink\u00ading beer in bars with names like \u201cHur\u00adri\u00adcane\u201d and \u201cIce House,\u201d flirt\u00ading with attrac\u00adtive female bar\u00adtenders, watch\u00ading soc\u00adcer (which I loathe) and cor\u00adrect\u00ading the gram\u00admar of men who speak rude\u00adly to the wait\u00adress\u00ades. I have feud\u00aded with a local thrift store because they refused to exchange a $3 den\u00adim shirt I\u2019d bought that didn\u2019t fit me.<\/p>\n

\"1024px-joe_lieberman_official_portrait_2\"I have called the office of Con\u00adnecti\u00adcut Sen\u00ada\u00adtor Joe Lieber\u00adman and argued with his under\u00adlings about his poli\u00adcies, even though I am not now, nor have I ever been, a res\u00adi\u00addent of Con\u00adnecti\u00adcut. I have invent\u00aded an alter-ego, Dako\u00adta Perez, and per\u00adsuad\u00aded small-town jour\u00adnal\u00adists to write arti\u00adcles about \u201cmy\u201d exploits.<\/p>\n

\"aston-martin-v12-vanquish-08\"The Ger\u00adman Chris\u00adt\u00adian the\u00adolo\u00adgian and philoso\u00adpher Meis\u00adter Eck\u00adhart<\/a> said that God gives to each one of us what is best for him. I believe this is why God has not giv\u00aden me a sil\u00adver Aston Mar\u00adtin V12 Van\u00adquish, nor a bour\u00adbon-drink\u00ading 25-year-old mis\u00adtress in the form of \u201cred-head\u00aded, deep-breast\u00aded, slen\u00adder and indo\u00adlent\u201d Claris\u00adsa from John Cheever\u2019s sto\u00adry \u201cThe Chaste Claris\u00adsa<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"download\"God knows that nei\u00adther the Aston Martin\u2019s 568 b.h.p., nor the deep-breast\u00aded red\u00adhead reclin\u00ading lan\u00adguorous\u00adly in the pas\u00adsen\u00adger seat with a bot\u00adtle of Maker\u2019s Mark Ken\u00adtucky Straight Bour\u00adbon in her lap would be best for me. Not at all.<\/p>\n

And if I had writer\u2019s block at the same time? For\u00adget about it. I wouldn\u2019t self-destruct; I would spon\u00adta\u00adneous\u00adly com\u00adbust.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A brief excerpt from my new humor\u00adous mem\u00adoir, com\u00ading out this fall: I can\u2019t speak for all blocked writ\u00aders, but when I\u2019m blocked, I seek\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7636,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,3,75,7,76,13,14],"tags":[344,346,94,347,348,111,155,349,351,343,104,350,345,221,93,352],"class_list":["post-7630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chris-orcutt-books","category-craft","category-memoir","category-personal","category-process","category-writers","category-writingexperiences","tag-aston-martin","tag-bourbon","tag-chris-orcutt","tag-joe-lieberman","tag-makers-mark-kentucky-straight-bourbon","tag-memoir-2","tag-orcutt","tag-pencils","tag-procrastinating","tag-procrastination","tag-redheads","tag-road-rage","tag-vanquish","tag-writers-life","tag-writing","tag-writing-memoir"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7630"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7645,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7630\/revisions\/7645"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orcutt.net\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}